I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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