Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
