i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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