It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
