Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
