just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
