trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
