I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
id be glad to
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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