Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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