2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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