I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
