worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
