i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
