hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize