I hope mine doesn't look like that
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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