can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
they need to just BURY HIM!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
