We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
