girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
