Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
