y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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