Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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