Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
