I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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