Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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