OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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