I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
