??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
