go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
