I think I am morally bankrupt
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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