he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
