rhymes with "ouble enetration"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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