The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
