I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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