my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I skipped work to stalk him.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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