make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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