This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
