we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Your cock deserves a montage
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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