Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
