I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
