you win again, gameday.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize