Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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