i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
