dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
