My underwear smells like fireworks.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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