woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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