Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
