Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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