my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
