what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
