smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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