What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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