me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you traded sex for a burrito?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
pray to the hookup gods
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
