I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
