butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
