Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
