I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
