Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize