I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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