ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize