you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
