We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
