2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
