if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
