somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
