its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
