Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
