he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sorry about my life...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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