His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize