What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
