my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
