We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just threw up on my dentist
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize