just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
