i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
