last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
