4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
