we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
