That's when you crack a 10am beer
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize