you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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