I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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