Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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