You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize