Who wears a wallet chain?!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
