I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
