I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
