I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
