I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
