I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
