cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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