Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
