been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
