the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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