I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Everclear isn't food dammit
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
