officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
