Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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