it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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