So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
